Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Mayhem in My Yard!!!

May 1, 2013

Hurray, hurray it is the first of May!

I am so glad this foolish month of April is finally finished. It looks like winter may finally be behind us and we can look forward to spring. Not only was the weather cruel but lady luck was against me as well.

Over the years I have learned that if you are on the cutting edge of technology, sometimes the technology cuts you bad.  This week I was reminded of that concept once again.  I am sorry to tell you that I had to return   to the dealer and I now have my chimney mounted sprinkler system up for sale.

headless tulipsThe S680 cut the grass like a champ but it’s 42 foot mower head was just a tad too big. While mowing the lawn I paid great attention to the left edge next to the house but not so much attention to the right side. Last year my daughter gave my wife a thousand tulip bulbs for Mother’s Day and we planted them all near the road.  They were beautiful this year until the mower neatly dispatched them.

Standing on my former lawn mower :(

Standing on my former John Deere S680 lawn mower 😦

My S680 could have survived that mistake but then I ran into another problem. I was able to mow the entire front yard in about 10 seconds but what do you do when you reach the edge of the yard?  I put the tractor in reverse but gave it too much gas and popped a wheelie. That caused the rear tires to make huge divots in the yard.  UFFDA!  I am now looking for a more conventional mower.

As to my sprinkler project… you know, the one where I planned to mount the agriculture sprinkler head on my chimney and water my lawn from one central location. I got it up and running and then fine tuned it making sure the coverage of my lawn was just right, not too much nor too little.  Yesterday  I made a tiny error.  Rather than turning up the timer I mistakenly turned up the power on the pump and then left to run a few errands.  I got back only to find the sprinkler significantly over shooting my lawn – I think Allstate insurance would have considered this to be the work of Mayhem.  Well, the power of the sprinkler blew out my neighbor’s second floor bedroom window.  Can you imagine how much water can get through a second floor window at 150 gallons per minute? Water flows downhill so it also drenched the first floor and filled the basement.  On the bright side, they always wanted an indoor swimming pool.

And the neighbors on the other side, well they have a couple of Pomeranians who just happened to be penned up in the their back yard at the time. Let me tell you, despite not liking water, they were completed soaked.  Boy were they dancing, shaking and rolling around in their pen.  Needless to say, I will not be using that chimney sprinkler again.

Gotta go,  I better cancel the crop duster who was going to apply fertilizer and weed killer on my lawn with one pass of his aircraft.  I am beginning to imagine the mayhem that might cause.

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My New Lawn Sprinkler

April 8, 2013
The 200LP irrigation sprinkler head that I plan to mount on my chimney.

The 200LP irrigation sprinkler head that I plan to mount on my chimney.

Last week (on April 1st ) I mentioned going over to Roberts Irrigation to look at agriculture sprinkler heads.  They just happened to have an awesome used system that was traded in by a potato farmer who desired a pivot system.  It is a real beauty and is manufactured by Rainflow Irrigation Systems.  Their Model 200LP volume gun coupled with a 5 horse power pump and a 1 inch nozzle ring can push out 150 gallons per minute and project it over 300 feet.  That should cover my lawn nicely from a central location.

After explaining my plan to water my entire lawn by mounting this rig on the top of my chimney, the salesman took off his hat, scratched his head a bit and then said it was a real novel idea.  The look on his face almost made it look like he thought it was a bit hair brained.  However his demeanor suggested he understood the real brilliance of the plan.  You see, I am an expert in thinking out of the box.  He told me it was really out side the box.

WARNING: Do not try this at home without the use of a trained professional.

It will take a bit of time to get it all set up but here is a picture (I got the picture from the Internet)  of one of these big irrigation sprinkler heads in action on an agricultural field. I will post pictures of my set-up once complete.

TRAVELER

Gotta go, I am heading over to the local crop dusting service. I think they can fertilize and spray weed killer from the air on my lawn.  Boy will that be a time saver for me.

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My New John Deere S680 Riding Lawn Mower

April 1, 2013
Filling up the gas tank of my new John Deere S680 Riding Lawn Mower at the local Kwik Trip

Filling up the gas tank of my new John Deere S680 Riding Lawn Mower at the local Kwik Trip. You can see part of the mower head out in front of the tractor.

In a previous post I wrote about desiring a new lawn mower. Well my desire has come to be, I took delivery of my new John Deere S680 Riding Lawn Mower from Riesterer & Schnell today. With a 42 foot mowing head, this mower is really fantastic. It’s hopper is big enough to store a season’s worth of grass clippings.  I will only need to visit the compost center once a year. What a time saver. The gas tank is even big enough to last me a season, WOW.

Only one problem, the gas tank was almost empty so I found myself driving to the local Kwik Trip. Like all new vehicles, I was very careful during my first drive.

Note to the Village of Plover- sorry about that stop sign down the street.  I was so attentive to making sure the mower head did not damage the mail box on the left side of the road when making my turn onto Adams Street that I did not even notice the stop sign on the right. Luckily the mower head was so good the post was neatly clipped at 1.5 inches above the ground and the sign was completely deposited in the hopper in neatly chopped pieces. Very cool.

Pulling into Kwik Trip, I backed the mower to a gas pump only to realize the gas tank was on the opposite side of the mower.  No problem, I have had the same issue with a number of rental cars.  I confidently climbed back into the cab and guided the mower over to another pump.

I had to be really careful because if I had taken out one of those pumps like I did the stop sign, it would have been 4th of July in April. The resulting fire display would have been impressive.

While I was pumping gas, one of the former owners of Three Acres came over to look over my mower. He asked if I would consider mowing his property for him.  Seems as if the company that bought his golf course with the intent of building a huge water ski park went belly up without doing any construction. This is despite the Village spending tons of money putting in all kinds of infrastructure to handle all the folks who would flock to the complex. Long story short, he is getting his former property back. He will be opening a new golf course, this time a bit bigger with more acreage. I understand it will be named Four Acres Golf Course.

Once I got home, my next door neighbor came over to view my S680. Boy, was he impressed. He suggested that if I had another 10 seconds or so while mowing my lawn, I should just keep going and cut his grass as well.  What a great idea.

With all the attention I am getting, I am considering starting a lawn mowing service. I am thinking my phone number could be 663 244-66937 (ONE BIG MOWER).

Well, gotta go. I will write more about my new mower later.  Right now I am heading over to Roberts Irrigation to check out one of their big irrigation sprinkler heads.  I am hoping to mount it on my chimney and water the whole yard from one central location.

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